Asterisk (FLOWER DANGER)

Another day. I wake up in my friend’s home, where I’m now living. I walk downstairs, trying to avoid eye contact with my dog so I won’t have to take her outside until I’m ready, and get a Wallaby Organic Yogurt (flavor: Dulce De Leche) to eat with a disposable plastic spoon (brand: Safeway).

I eat it in bed, flip on the laptop (Dell), and see an ad on the top of myspace for a company called “degrees.info”. Apparently, in a race to create a cute ad campaign, they spent a lot of time on the cute drawings of all of the cute professionals you could turn out to be if you take their cute online courses and didn’t pay close attention to spelling. Well, unless BOUTY HUNTER is actually one of the things you can pay them to be.

Yesterday in a conversation with a freakishly attractive human woman (variety: German Scottish Italian) I said the words “why are you looking at me when my lights are out?”, which was supposed to mean “why are you looking at me when my eyes are closed?”.

Other quotes from the day include “your eyes are like human eyes”, from the aforementioned beauty.

And “you can’t copy Flash unless you have a floppy cache”, from me to no one.

Also, “I still can’t breathe, but I feel okay” from the Papas Fritas song “Holiday”. I took some Polaroids of Tony Goddess and the Papas Fritas kids which will go in the book when it comes out. I think I had one of them online in an older diary and my good buddy Kitty Bukkake said she went to ivyleaguecollegeschool with Tony. They’re a great superpoppy band who past girlfriends and friends have accused of sounding like “an indie rock band doing versions of Sesame Street songs”.
(see Kids Don’t Mind)

Someone I know told me that someone we know “says ASTERICK”. Jesus. Really? How hard is it, people, to work just a little bit to pronounce words properly?
And this one’s not so hard. Say it, asterisk. Let’s try it together.
Can you say the word RISK? It’s pretty easy. It refers to the potential for danger or harm. I’ve never heard it mispronounced. Hence my alarm.
Now, how about the flower “ASTER”? A yellow center, maybe white or pink rays sprouting up around it. If you can say BASTARD and DISC, you should be able to properly pronounce that fucking little star sign on your phone or keyboard.
ASTER RISK.
Asterisk, ya idjit.

I should make this blog all about pronunciation (“oh, you will”, she says) and then we’ll point all of the idiots around us toward it.

I have to poop. Probably my dog does too. I’m going to enjoy some fine macrobiotic noodle objects, drink some Gatorade, and decorate the world with stink!

Love,
Johnny