sleeeeeeeeeeeeep… sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Take ahold of my hand if you want to live… with diabeetus.

I’m carless (not “careless,” he means without car) for a few days, and also without internet (sans connection). Well, except for today, because a beautiful woman with a computer came to service all of my needs. Lucky you!

So I had a little time to try to entertain myself, and I did it by watching TV
(man, did you see any of the Oprah/Tom Cruise thing? I didn’t listen to it, but I watched the two of them sitting on his sofa and all I could think was, “Jesus Christ that woman sure takes up a lot of couch!”) and listening to oodles of 7” rekkids. Things I love that I haven’t been able to listen to, things I bought that I haven’t been able to listen to, and things sitting around my roommate’s stereo that I haven’t listened to because I don’t own them.

DIRTBOMBS - play Sparks (In The Red)
I finally got to listen to the 45 I bought at the Dirtbombs show. The one where they cover songs by U.S. glamrock fey/twee brother combo Sparks. I like it a lot, but it doesn’t have the expensive production and fucking brutal Jeff Salen Tuff Darts 70’s Les Paul guitar sound of the original. And I hate to repeat myself, but the recent Baltimore show was goddamned amazing.

The TEST PATTERNS- s/t (Shit Sandwich)
This has been sitting around for about a month without me ever having a chance (read: turntable) to play it on. Tony P. (who used to work at Reptilian where I work and now has his own store) recommended this, knowing my tastes, and mother fucking fuck was he completely right on. I figured I’d favor the boy songs over the girl songs, but I love them equally. It rocks, it’s noisy, it’s fun, it’s rare. If I were getting paid to write a review I’d find someone to compare it to, but you’re only reading this because you know me. You didn’t buy this for the reviews.

DEEP SLEEP - “You’re Screwed” (Grave Mistake)
Not to get too far up the aforementioned Tony’s ass, but this is his band. I missed them at Ottobar recently, thinking they hadn’t started yet, then deciding to make the walk over to see them, and finally entering the club with Noel to find that they’d just gone off the stage. Now I’m even angrier.
This bastard rocks in a way I wasn’t expecting. Tony and I agree on lots of music, and like different things in the same basic niches, but I put this on expecting it to be 1) Descendents-esque 2) maybe straightedge-ish 3) hardcore in a way that I wouldn’t be able to get into.
Wrong on every count. It has a pulverizing hint of Black Flag musically, but the vocals give it something way more melodic than Rollins/Cadena. Or rather, the vocals are informed by a love for/knowledge of punk-pop, and have the construction of power pop vocals (including the doubling of vocals and background vox) but have a straight hardcore delivery.
I was expecting a powerpunk Descendents Chemical People thing, praying it wouldn’t be jokerock like NOFX or something, and it’s neither. It rocks way harder than the former bands, and is never ha-ha rock like the latter. Blistering yumminess akin to the few good songs I like by someone like Suicide Machines, but with melodies and cool touches (like fucking power pop background vocals. Great call, guys.)
Absolutely my favorite record of recent times. I’ve now listened to it 411 times. Go to
the DEEPSLEEP myspace page.

The LILLINGTONS - Lillington High E.P. (Clearview)
I know, this is over a decade old. But I haven’t listened to it in ages, and I forgot how much I liked it. Maybe too close to feeling like noveltyrock (which we now know I’m not a fan of… sorry Screeching Weasel, The Queers, Riverdales, NOFX, etc., etc., etc., blah blah blah)(look — comedyrock, like a comedy album, is funny the first time, but loses its luster on every repeat play) but just enough on this side of it to stay clear of the things I hate about it. It has a whiff of Vindictives-ness, or something in that vein, but poppy and sissy enough to make a power pop fan happy whilst retaining their indie rock shamble.

The APE-SHITS - Ape Shits/Gash split E.P. (Big Action Records)
While I have absolutely nothing against The Gash, the magic for me is on the Ape-Shits side. They can generally do no wrong, even at their silliest, and here’s the key: when you barrel through every song at breakneck speed, it’s sometimes hard to understand the lyrics, which pays off when they get silly. Not that the lyrics are silly. I’m just sayin’… if they were… y’know.
Anywho, if you’ve listened to Deep Sleep or Test Patterns and enjoyed them by the time you’ve gotten down to this review, you may go for this one as well. Speedy, fun and buzzy, but pissy in a way that gives it an edge over happyrock. So, while I love bands like The Briefs, I like their angry songs the best, and this band sounds like The Briefs doing a side project featuring a cathartic draining of venom.
Two songs. Decadent Pig and Fuck the Pigs. Notice a theme? Yeah, me neither. Two killer songs, screeching out of your speakers in a wonderful angry blur.

The STITCHES - Le Shok split E.P. (Gold Standard Laboratories)
And since I’m on the subject of bands that sort of have the same speedy adrenaline-rush and dirty little punkrock attitude as some of the above combos, there’s this single that’s so cool it’ll freeze your gross little brownish nipples off. The song Telephone Disasters is a loss for me because I fucking hate keyboards.
Luckily for me and my 80’s-hating ways (I hated keyboards in the 70’s too. I steered away from prog rock and in the direction of Clash, Sex Pistols, Damned, etc.) there is a flipside with a whole ‘nother band!
Cars of Today, despite lyrics that could be novelty if they just put another few toes over the line, it’s a quick lesson in attitude and aural spite. Sneering vocals, a delightfully tinny guitar buzz and enough attitude to fill up a year’s worth of special “single’s club” 45’s. Speed, guitars, piss and brevity. All I require in a great 7”. I DO HEREBY SINCERELY LOVE THE FUCKING STITCHES.

TO SUM UP: What I think I’m saying is this: If you want some burning hot punk rock that’s not faceless, straight edge, or dour, choose any of the above singles and thrust them blindly onto your turntable. You’ll get a healthful dollop of noise, sexy downstroke punkrock guitars, and vocals with gristle. The fun stops shy of noveltyrock, so you don’t have to worry about only listening to it one time, like Dead Milkmen, Mojo Nixon, [insert annoying musical comedy artist here].

Also, go listen to my band and be our friend.
CINNAMON TOAST, bitch!