Come To Ottobar & Tips For Junkies!

Every Thursday night I DJ at a fine, fine club called Ottobar. They asked me what I wanted to call it (because most clubs have theme nights every night, so they usually have names like “Metal Tuesday,” “Two-Fer Monday,” “Britpop Sunday,” “Johnny Puts The Cunt In Country,” “80’s Wednesday,” “Who Put The ‘Ham’ In ‘Hamper’ Saturday,” etc.) and I suggested things like:

1) “Johnny Riggs Promises You He Won’t Play Any Of The Songs You Ever Heard Him Play On The Radio” Thursday!
2) “The Big Pink 70’s Glam 60’s Bubblegum Punkrock Fuck You” Show!

and other names I thought were vaguely amusing, but it ended up with the title
”Rogue’s Gallery.” While that’s a fine toughguy kinda name, it doesn’t really describe me or the music I play. Otherwise you’d be attending “Severely Depressed Ex-Junkie West Virginian Aries Guy Who Is Nice To Most Everyone But Really Would Rather Communicate Through Text Messages Than Talk To You In Person Thursday!”

Anyway, the more people who show up, the more fun it is, so it’d be swell if you stopped by. It might even be swollen if you stopped by. The staff is nice, forgiving of your faults, mix strong inexpensive drinks, and it’s pretty much the hipster equivalent of The Black Cat in Washington D.C.

Also, as the weeks go by I keep discovering more of my CD collection (I moved recently) and the music is shifting and growing like a septuagenarian’s mantits. It started off in the loud noiserock category but has rapidly transmogrified into a weird mixture of sensitive non-emo weirdness like Pernice Brothers, Zombies, Big Star, Posies, Elliott Smith, Idaho, Slade, Sweet, David Bowie, Stooges, Dictators, Turbonegro, Lilys, Mott The Hoople, The Music Explosion, Ohio Express, Max Romeo, Queen, Dead Boys, Television, Richard Hell & the Void Oids, The New York Dolls, Meneguar, Dickless, Patti Smith, The Saints, The Damned, The Vibrators, Mick Ronson, The Clash, Cheap Trick, Cansei De Ser Sexy, Yellow Balloon, Guided By Voices, Dream Syndicate, Opal, Three O’Clock, The Jupiter Affect, Game Theory, Meat Puppets, France Gall, Elf Power, Neutral Milk Hotel, Apples in Stereo, Papas Fritas, Klaatu, Chris Bell, Nazareth, Kings of Leon, Superconductor, The Church, Noisettes, Shout Out Louds, New Pornographers, The Decemberists, Donovan, Disfear, Chinese Telephones, Cursive, Bright Eyes, Jeff Buckley. Y’know.

So stop by. Ask for it if you don’t hear it. Say hi. Play pool. Drink. Have fun. Tip your waiters and waitresses. Be nice. Don’t piss on the seat. Don’t shit in the sink. Don’t fall down the stairs.

And now, a new weekly series because somehow I’ve survived and feel I have things to share:

TIPS FOR JUNKIES:

1. If you’re living with another junkie, pay attention to where you store used needles. No one likes to put his hand in a box or a drawer and come out with a syringe stuck all the way through his finger.

2. If you miss a vein and it develops into a large bulging sterile abscess in an obvious place, like on your forearm, it helps to “pretty it up” by drawing a smiley face on it before you go out for the evening. Remember to change the face daily. People will judge you for that just like they judge you for your footwear.

3. Brush your teeth.

4. If you think you can hide the tracks on your arms by wearing Johnny Thunders half-sleeves when you go home to visit the folks, think again, chief. It works about as well as a woman with a c-section scar hiding it by wearing a tubetop around her waist when she’s doing porn.